Mighty God [Story Board]

About 7 years ago I was sound checking on a Sunday morning at a church in Mississippi. As I was checking, tornado sirens started to go off and the power went out in the building. I felt fear rise up in me, and this little melody and words rose up too - and brought me back to what was true. "Mighty God, I will follow you. You keep me safe in the palm of your hand.”  It was a simple, real way for me to hold on to the security and safety of my father in an uncertain moment. It was a prayer and a practice to remember truth…and once I sung it, it never left me! The power came back on, the sirens stopped, and the church gathered that Sunday morning. This song brought me joy that day and it remains a simple joy to me now. It’s not catchy or hooky, and it may even be uncomfortably slow…but in that, it slows my spirit - and it is a path I can take to remember truth. I sincerely hope it is a path for you too. Remember: His goodness and mercy follows you, he is strong, he is able, he is mighty. 

I’m so grateful to my producer Lucas Morton for seeing what he saw in this song and for bringing it to life. I’m also so grateful that my kind friend Ellie Holcomb lent her beautiful voice to this song too! This felt like the right way to end this record as a whole - going back to that Psalm 23 secret place of abundance and peace. Even if sirens are going off and there’s only darkness around me, the Good Shepard calls me to himself. There - in his presence - is fullness of joy. There are green pastures and quiet waters reserved for me, inside quiet trust. He is my God, and I am safe. 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor.
Psalm 8:3-5 

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.
Matthew 27:50-51

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11

Weak, Proudly [Story Board]

When I started writing for this album, I had no idea what it would sound like. In many ways, I was stepping onto new ground, undeniably compelled to write directly, honestly, and intentionally about the ongoing story of God in my life. Weak, Proudly was one of the first songs I recognized myself in. It wraps up the thing I am constantly learning over and over again in the deepest chambers of my heart. It is the continuous renewal of surrender to the power, love, and strength of God…which starts with embracing my weakness - my own inability. This is so very backwards to the way of my human nature. The way of this world is to strive, to earn, to work…a do-it-yourself mentality. I must bring myself weak and weary to God, and rely upon the Holy Spirit to transform me by the renewing of my mind…so that the toxic pattern of this world loses it’s grip, and the life-giving pattern of his good and perfect ways consumes my mind instead! There is this absurd idea that the enemy loves to use in our lives which is that we have to figure out how to “be good” in order to be loved by God…that there is a fixing up and a getting ready we must do, a work that we must get done before arriving upon the goodness of God. Beloved friend, it is not true. Jesus already did that work. He lived the perfect life and he gave us credit for it. He offers you his own robe of righteousness. It is our admission to our weakness - and in turn trusting in HIS strength, HIS work, HIS life within us that brings intimacy with the Father, which brings life and peace. The world screams “DO!” but the love of Jesus whispers “DONE.” (I don’t remember where I heard that, but it wasn’t me.) This truth makes the scripture that says “I will boast in my weakness” something I can identify with. My spirit exhales, and I feel myself even now rest at the thought. When I gladly show up with my weaknesses to the throne of God, I see his power in my life…for his power is made perfect in weakness. It really all comes down to the fact that God is crazy about his kids and that’s who we are…so let’s run up to him messy and all and let ourselves be loved. 

I am so grateful to have written this song with one of my favorite people and writers, Peter Groenwald. 

Sidenote: I was reading Andrew Murray’s “Abiding In Christ” devotional during the time I wrote this song and I can’t think of this song with out thinking of that book. I would highly recommend! All about embracing our own weakness and resting on God’s power and love instead. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Trusted [Story Board]

When I walked into the songwriting session to meet Jessie Early for the first time, it felt a lot like we were old friends. We spent the first hour or so of our write getting to know each other, and when it came time to get down to writing we were completely on the same page with what we wanted to say. While we had both been in seasons surrounded by trials and circumstantial pain, we also both felt the reality of God’s presence within those situations. We also were both new mothers at the time, which I think contributed to the picture we imagined as we wrote the verses of Trusted. We imagined God as a father carrying his baby through a storm. A parent whose heart breaks when his child feels pain, yet who also delights in being that safe place for the hurting child - who cherishes the closeness that comes with the sorrow experienced.

The intimacy that comes when a parent carries a child, protects a child, holds a child…that is the simple picture of relationship with God. The baby is completely embraced in the caregiver’s arms, protected. The storm is the place where trust is strengthened, deepened, and realized. My hope for this song is that it serves as a reminder to you, that every single situation in your life is a place where God can be trusted. Surrendering to his ways, trusting his heart, resting in his arms…this is the way of a child of God. I pray that you may be filled with peace as you trust in him, no matter what is going on around you. He is faithful in all he does. 

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.
Psalm 145:13 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 
Romans 15:13 

Heaven's Eyes [Story Board]

On Father’s Day 2019, the pastor closed his sermon with this: “God wants you to stand under the waterfall of his approval.”  The second I heard it I couldn’t get it out of my head or my heart. The sermon had been about how we crave approval (specifically from our fathers) and how God answers that intense need with his own love for us. From the psalms the pastor talked about how God does not delight in the strength or the impressiveness of a person, but his delight is in the one who places their hope in his love. I’m not sure if it was that day or a few days later but that “waterfall of approval” eventually brought me to my guitar. I knew that waterfall well! Some of the sweetest moments of my life are the silent ones, when my spirit is hanging on every word of God, believing him fully.

As someone who knows a lot about seeking approval and craving affirmation in all the wrong places, there is nothing better than remembering (for the millionth time) that I already have all the approval and affirmation I’m looking for in the love of God for me, and experiencing it. He designed me with this hunger for love because he desires to satisfy that hunger with himself. I hope that when you hear Heaven’s Eyes, you don’t just hear words, but you experience the truth of them for yourself. I pray that you rest your head on this truth. I’m so grateful to have written this song with Jonathan Smith, who is kind, gracious, and exactly what was needed! 

Psalm 147: 10-11
His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; 
the Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

But I Know You [Story Board]

There are songs that feel like marathons to write, and there are songs the feel like they fall into your lap…and then there are songs that feel like both. But I Know You started as a melodic thought that fell into my lap. It felt more like a song that already existed somewhere inside of me that I was chasing down than a new thought. (That is some of my favorite songwriting advice, by the way. My dad shared it with me - he told me that writing a song is a lot like remembering a song that you already know. I have always held fast to that concept, and that’s what But I Know You felt like.) The beginnings of the song were there, but I knew it needed more. The Lord knew what it needed and who it needed too! I was blessed to walk into a songwriting session with two people I respect very much, Tony Wood and Josh Bronleewe.

During the time this song was written, a handful of people in my closest community were walking through seasons of trials and suffering. Although I wasn’t experiencing it first hand, I was given the gift of holding that tension alongside some of these faith warriors in my life who were on the frontlines. It deeply marked me to watch how sorrow and joy, questions and peace, faith and broken hearts co-exist in the life of a Christ follower. There is one cling-to-able truth beaming from a broken heart in the midst of suffering, and it is that God is trustworthy. (and you can’t really trust him if you don’t KNOW him.) The answers to all the questions can remain unknown as long as God is known, because knowing him is where peace comes from. This peace is more than a feeling, but a promise. It does not make sense from the outside looking in. It surpasses understanding and rises above the need to know all the answers, because this peace comes from knowing and trusting his heart. If you know his heart personally, if you experience his love and his friendship regularly, any circumstantial changes in life do not have the power to dim the lights of your hope. You can rest in his steadfast character and his unwavering commitment of care for you, his redeemed. 

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10 

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7

Meadow [Story Board]

Of all the songs on this record, this is the one I feel most “at home” in. Melodically, lyrically, and instrumentally I simply feel like myself. It is harder than it sounds to write a song that I can be completely at ease in! What I mean is, I feel like 17 year old Jillian could sing this, and I also feel like 75 year old Jillian could. Bits of the first verse and chorus spilled out one quiet afternoon at home (during that cherished baby-is-napping hour of the day) but the song didn’t grow into itself fully until it was met with exactly what it needed…my friend David Leonard! I had never written with David before we wrote Meadow together, and it was one of the most natural and refreshing writes I had been a part of in a while. I am a fan of David’s musical sensibility and I’m so grateful he was willing to lend it to this song.

A few days after we wrote Meadow I came back to David’s studio in downtown Franklin and recorded the vocal on a beautiful demo track he had created, and that was that! I loved how he had built the song out sonically, and singing the vocal felt a lot like singing a song I had been singing for years. For that reason, Meadow quickly rose to the top of a large pile of songs I had been writing for my next record. It became the all encompassing theme of the album - a deep rest and assurance in the kindness and faithfulness of God that holds you up when things get dark. It’s the name of the record as a whole because “meadow” is the name I have given that secret place of abundance within me that is the life of Christ. Life circumstances certainly don’t always look like a peaceful meadow - but the truth is, as a beloved child of God surrendered to his love - we always have a place of peace to run to within the presence of God. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. Ps. 23:1-2

Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Ps. 23:6

Whisper Hymn [Story board]

Whisper Hymn is track #1 on my EP, Meadow. Measuring only 44 seconds, it serves as a brief preface for the whole collection of songs. It was the first melody-meets-train-of-thought that steered the heart of this record. I remember that phrase from the first line that says “in a world dressed in sorrow, show me the delight of being human” rolling around my heart and mind one day last summer as I walked the streets of downtown Franklin, here in Tennessee, holding my daughter’s hand. There’s something about being outside, having a sweet treat (I think it was boba tea that day!) and being with my little girl that puts my spirit in a simple, grateful space. There was a spark of joy in the smallness and simplicity of life, as the first stirrings of Whisper Hymn started to grow. I fumbled through melody after melody and all sorts of sonnets to complete the idea over the next several weeks, but eventually scaled it back to that original melody and phrasing from that first day.

I had been in a season of asking God what was next - holding the tension of unanswered questions and waiting with joy and gratitude, and the trust that God himself was directing all of my steps. That day, all of my questions were not answered - a blueprint for my life was not spelled out in the clouds…but I knew God was with me, and he was pumping joy through my spirit. No external circumstance can dictate that kind of joy - only God. This is the delight of being human - being cared for by God - and knowing his delight in me. This enables me to delight in my smallness, in my unknowing, in my lack of control. The richness and goodness of knowing Jesus is in exactly that…knowing him. And to know him is to understand that there are no riches outside of walking with him…yet at the same time, knowing him colors your whole life with that richness. In the compiled experiences and stories of life that are marked with sorrow, death, loss…I believe that there lies fertile ground for true, deep delight to grow.

Delight is not something for “happy” people. It’s for broken people. Fragile hearts have a home, and it is in the delight the Father has in them. This is the delight of being human. It all felt like a whisper, like a secret for the soul…and there was something that felt old about it. Calling it Whisper Hymn just felt right. Lucas Morton played those beautiful chords on piano under the melody like the magician he is and we let it stay simple and small, true to it’s original form. I can’t imagine the record starting out any other way than this stream of consciousness set to melody. Fast forward a few months to releasing the EP, and I see that Whisper Hymn has a much bigger story than just my own heart prayer to God - we are globally walking through a world dressed in sorrow, grief, brokenness…I am holding onto the hope that God himself clothes us with garments of salvation. He is here with us, and he is trustworthy. 

“I delight greatly in the LORD ; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.” Isaiah 61:10-11

“How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your river of delights. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.” -Psalm 36:7-9

“His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior; the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” Psalm 147:10-11

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